Brother and sister molest mother

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I am a survivor of sexual abuse that started when I was a little girl. I have no memory of when it started and vague memories of things happening.

I do remember my brother molesting me that memory is very vivid in my mind. We moved away from our home town when I was 5 this is where I think it happened.

We came back every summer to visit my older brother who lived with my grandmother. It seemed to me that every time I was alone no matter how old I was I was being taken advantage of.

My memories are just glimpses of what really happened and I have learned to block my emotions off. Sometimes it even seems so cold and so controlled but I know if I let them out they are too much for me to handle and I cry for no reason.

Still end up crying when I really need to talk about anything important to me. My first memory is of being around 5 years old, staying with my great grandmother and her husband John.

We never called him grandpa. I was sitting on his lap and he took out his penis and had me touch it. I do not remember much after that just blackness and vagueness.

I always felt anxious sleeping over there unless we slept with grandma. My sister and I would watch out for each other when we went to the bathroom.

It seems that when our underwear was pulled down he would always find a reason to come in we were 5 and 6 year old.

Various cousins have also taken advantage of me and I did not know how to say no even when I want to. As I got older I had trust issues with everyone around me and noticed that I always kept an eye on everything around me and hate being surprised.

I am always very aware of all situations around me and keep close tabs on people's body language and still did not trust anyone. I have gone through this with one sister and one younger brother.

We did not talk about it but we knew what happened because from time to time my sister will make small comments like yeah we understand.

My sister and I were both molested which caused us to be very close until recently. Certain things have come about that I felt betrayed again but this time by my sister.

She had started treating me like crap and usually for no reason. We would be having a good time and I would ask someone usually not her and she would come out like an angry bear and treat me like dirt.

Once we were at a party everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves listening to rock band. I asked her to turn up the volume because we could not hear the beat she turns it up a little so I asked her to turn it up a little more she freaks out and said no do it yourself.

I was in the middle of a song and she had the remote right in front of her. I remember another time she made me so angry and my temper finally broke and I walked over to her and hit her she hit me back and we start to fight.

I am much stronger and know that I can really hurt her so I hit her only a few times. Later I was very sorry. I am not sure if our relationship can be repaired all I know is I cannot handle being around her and she makes me feel so betrayed and hurt by her actions.

I think what had triggered a lot of emotion in me is that my older brother the one who had molested me from when I was 8 until I reached 13 years old.

I admit I did act hateful towards my family. I was so full of hate! I couldn't admit to myself or my family how hurt I was also.

I felt being sad and hurt will make me weak and vulnerable. There was no way I could stand being vulnerable and open for more hurt. I had to protect myself and my sense of worth.

And gradually down the line these 20 years, I developed a very quick, automatic, powerful converter inside me.

When I felt a little hurt, sad, or vulnerable, that emotion was converted to anger. So quick, automatic, and powerful, I hardly noticed I was hurt at all.

I was just angry, and I always had a right to be angry, in my sense of self. I finally noticed last year that this powerful converter is out of date now.

It does more harm than good. Now, I'm with a man where being vulnerable will allow me to be understood and will allow us to be real and really connect.

Now, I have a family where I can build new family traditions of open, honest communication and connectedness. It took me 20 years to come to this stage where my desire to understand has become as big and strong as my desire to be understood.

And this makes a world of a difference. It was a shock to me when I noticed how out of date my Powerful Converter was.

All I really wanted was to be able to love that little one, to hold, cuddle, care, and comfort. I wanted so much a little sister or brother for our daughter.

I want so much a close and companionable family. I hope I'm making sense to you. All this is why I want to talk with a "brother". I want to understand and be understood.

By the way, are you also here because you can't talk to your real sister? What kind of relationship do you have with your family of origin now?

I resumed contact with my brother, Mom and Dad just last year. I don't bring up the incest subject, I just apologized that I've been so hateful, and asked a favor of them - I needed cosigner in renting a room for my family.

My brother declined. After some very disappointing exchanges, my Dad consented. But they are now afraid of me, I guess.

None of them can even reply to a simple "Do you remember? It will help me - and most likely others viewing also - to understand the situation, or any situation similar, and hopefuly come up with a way to deal with it that will make us happy!

Best wishes to you all, Anne -- Wed May 15, am -- If anyone has anything you can share regarding mental abuse, it will help me a lot.

I think I mentally abused my brother from after being molested by him. I knew he was afraid that I would tell on him to everyone that will listen, and I knew he was afraid of what they would think of him.

I used this power I had over him in every way I can. I was angry, I had a right to my anger, and I let it show. I was somewhat looked up too — I was captain of the girls gymnastic team, I was on the school counsel, I topped the lists on my examination results, I had close friends that I enjoyed being with.

This was for self-defense, to keep myself from being used again. It was also a very convenient way to let off my steam of anger and hurt. It was very convenient, because I had every right to my anger and hurt.

I can pretend to become friends with his wife — who may not even know that her husband has a little sister - and tell on him to his wife at the moment it would do the most damage to my brother.

Just the same, knowing that I can still hurt my brother is somewhat a comfort to me, because he is still hurting me, I guess.

Awareness can be so healing. Awareness will help me to channel my energy, power, time, effort, and creativity in the correct direction.

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. The difference is that I will NOT let my sister have that kind of "power".

Not over me, but over herself. With it, you will continue to justify all your wrong doings and if he can't do it then neither should you.

What I mean is that I have come to grips that I was really young. Too young to fully understand what I did. Yes it is a bad thing but I can not and will not admit to a lifestyle that I never lived in my teen or adult life.

That is beside the point. You are hurt. Listen either your brother doesn't know he hurt you or might not care. You have got to let this go for your sanity.

Yes, how true. How difficult. The question is how, what, why How do we let go? What must we let go? What is letting go? Why is letting to so difficult?

Not blaming yourself for something you didn't have part in. You only have one life to live to be happy that's why you need to do it.

It's hard because we tend to make our experiences who we are instead of situatiOns that have come and gone. As long as you and I have a memory, this is a fact.

Situations come and go fully and without trace, only when they leave no big mark, scar, or hurt. Letting go means working through all the hurt, blame, and scars, all the way, to the other side.

By the way, please excuse if I sound curt and blunt. Thanks for posting your opinion. I am 37 and was in a similar situation.

I think maybe as you get older it's not much of your identity anymore. Your fine, you don't sound curt.

Brother And Sister Molest Mother

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